2011 in Review

2011.

What a great year. I'd have to say, one of the best of my life (if not the best). Felt like a movie. Didn't start off great. Heartbroken, lost, lonely, cowardly, whatever you want to call it. Didn't look pretty. Through the first months it was a lot of finding myself, losing myself, losing control, regretting a lot of actions but at the same time learning a lot. Times where I can pinpoint the exact moments when I realized things would never be the same.

But that's the beauty of 2011. It was a complete come up. As Tupac said, 'Everything's a come up. Everything is a struggle. You start from the bottom, work it to the top.' I developed a new plateau in mindset, a new standard of living, a new standard of moral obligation, a new standard of hard work, diligence, persistence, consistency. Starting over, with love, with passion, with all my heart.

And I ended the year on the opposite side of the spectrum. Happy as can be, not much I could complain about. Do I wish things were different then? Sure, I made mistakes. I wish I could go back, prevent unnecessary troubles. I wish I could tell my old self what to think, what others were thinking. Actions I needed to take, traps I needed to avoid. Do I wish things would be different now? Sure, I wish I had second chances with an old friend, a new friend, my dream girl, hell, even a stranger. Am I scared for the future? Sure, who knows if I made a good career choice, if my future family will be affected by my actions, who knows if I'll ever be the same with certain people, who knows if I'll meet another girl who seems perfect for me? Am I smarter/wiser now? I hope, but who knows? I'm still young, there's less than a handful of things I know I want in this life, and I have no idea how to get there. I may have done well in school, but when it comes to life, I feel pretty far behind on where I need to be.

But that's just me reflecting. Ask me if I'm sad, if I'm bitter, even regretful, and my answer is no. This was a one of a kind experience that I needed at this point in my life. I witnessed so much in others and in myself. Love, hate, negligence, obliviousness, prioritization, favoritism, friendship. I've witnessed demons, I've felt the devil at work. But I've also been lifted by angels, brought in by those that matter. Can you believe that? It's 2011 and we still have a prodigal son in the making.

This is all pretty vague, I know. If you're interested in knowing details, let me know. I'd love to share, but this kind of thing I feel is important to say in real time. It's important for you to hear/see/feel me. What happened to me this year was real, I want you to experience it with me.

I'm happy with the year, if you were in my life in any way, I'm grateful. I can't wait to see what 2012 has in store. Big changes are coming, I'm fighting to make it the best year for us. Here we come!